Crazy Indigo Courageousness

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You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come out of it.
— Benjamin Mee

I wrote this in a caption on Instagram about a week ago. And I wanted to talk more about the significance of stepping out of your comfort zone and yes, sometimes doing things that might seem crazy at the time, but somehow always manage to bring something great out of it in return. Recently, I was having a conversation about this with a close girlfriend and how this applies to everything in life. From relationships to work, when was the last time you did something that was considered 'safe' and was rewarded for it? You know what I'm talking about. That job that pays the bills and gives you security but you hate it... that relationship you're in that sort of makes you happy but not entirely... because there's still something missing... or that trip you took and planned a thorough itinerary (don't get me wrong, it's good to make plans regarding any kind of travel) instead of letting go and getting lost, discovering hidden gems along the way. I find that especially when it comes to visiting a new place, to just let it flow... the unexpected always brings great adventures (and stories) out of it. 

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Now to the bit more complicated: Relationships. Ugh. As I mentioned during the conversation with my friend, "How many love stories have you heard of that was logical and easy?" Because to me, the greatest love stories aren't happily-ever-after fairytales. They are NOT those couples that gush and proclaim, "We never fight" or "We met and that was it." A deep love is extremely rich in an assortment of complications and takes a shit ton of work. Think about it. What's braver, fighting for what you want regardless of how 'sticky' the situation may be or just letting it pass, just like a wind, without a care in the world? Because whether it's a friend, lover or something more, these kinds of loves don't come around very often. It's not as if you can just hop on the next train or another great love, so to speak. To be willingly committed to someone or something takes true strength and courage. You can't cop out because it's too hard or you're too chicken shit.

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Now... have I ever run from something truly great? Oh, you betcha. Why? The one and only single reason: FEAR. Running away doesn't solve your problems, in fact, I sometimes think they'll become greater if you don't face them. And it doesn't matter what it is, but I think it's so important to stand up for what you believe in and to never avoid/digress in that feeling. I never once had the emotion of fear bring me anything except pain and regret. Even if you think you can't, trust me... you can! For me, it's always been mind over matter and you can set out whatever your heart desires. But you have to be the one to take the first step. Remember, if you want BIG rewards, you better be willing to take even BIGGER risks. 

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What are your thoughts on today's post? Is it better to take chances, carry a big set of balls and crazily just going for it in life or to be reasonable, taking precautions and/or only dipping your feet in the water (instead of jumping in, full throttle)? I want to know what you think! Leave your comments below. I've been getting a ton of responses to these navy blue sock booties by Ego Shoes. You can shop them HERE or down below in the "SHOP THE LOOK" section. If you haven't heard about the UK shoe brand, you best get to their site NOW! www. ego.co.uk Have a fantastic weekend, everyone! :)

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LOVE & XX'S,

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To Know You Is to Love You

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I'VE GOT THE BLUES...

 

I lost him. Suddenly and unexpectedly. When my brother made the call, I thought at first he was playing a cruel joke on me. Then the shock factor waved in. I cried the entire plane ride home. After I handled my affairs though that's when I nearly lost it. My heart was broken. Hell, it still is. His death led to my estrangement from my family. They all turned their back on me. Some even betrayed me. I'm haunted by words left unsaid. And the pain still to this day is sometimes too unbearable to take. I miss his wistful smile and the sounds from his guitar. I miss our long talks in the car when we'd drive 'up North' to visit those we loved. I miss seeking his advice and him letting me cry on his shoulder until I soaked the entire damn shirt. I miss my father.   

I have my mother's spirit, but I have his soul. I love what he loved. Music, books, cars, boxing... German Shepherd dogs. When he was a kid my father had taken in a female German Shepherd that was abandoned and had named her Lady. But he lost her too soon when she was hit by a car and died in his arms. He was so crushed he wore her chain collar around his neck afterward, even leading some of the kids at school poking fun at him for wearing it and resulting in a fight. She was his everything. I respect this breed for the same reasons my father did; loyal, dedicated, courageous, intelligent and loving. They are the ideal family dog. Even at an early age, I begged my parents to have one, but my mother refused. Opposite reasons for what my father wanted, she had lost her Keeshond while living in California, and I think it hurt her so badly, she didn't even want to risk having me or my brother go through the same thing. Now as a grown-ass woman, I have to say, that getting my German Shepherd dog, MaQ, was one of the best things I have ever done in my life. 

One of our favorite films we loved to watch was 1979's boxing movie, The Champ. Even to this day, I still get all choked up when watching any boxing film. There is so much heart in the sport. I know some might not care for the violence, but that's not what it's about. In the boxing ring of life, it's not how hard you can hit, but rather how many times you can get hit and keep moving forward. That's what I see in a good fighter, in any sport for that matter. Someone who is full of adversity and still has the will to persevere. Whether in the ring or out of it, no one likes a quitter. And when anyone gives up, I guarantee you they don't feel good about it. 

What I really miss is hearing him play in the background growing up as a child. He had his own 'man cave' down in the basement, and once he plugged in the amp to one of his electric guitars, you could hear him jamming all the way up from the second floor. (I grew up in a duplex house) As much as my mother hated it, I found it to be rather soothing in a rollercoaster type of childhood. I had always encouraged him to try and make a demo, and I know I sound biased with what I'm about to say next because I'm his daughter, but he was very talented. When he played the blues, you could feel the pain. Guitars cry too, you know. It's kind of like opera or ballet, either you get it or you don't. I believe there takes a certain type of person to play the blues well. And my father was the epitome of that. 

My father has been without me for nearly five years now, and it was only last year since his death where I even had the courage to take out and look at the only guitar had left in his possession. It is a gorgeous ruby red Ovation Guitar, and I find it so fitting he chose such a color as him and I are both Aries's. Our element is fire and color is red, and our birthdays are two days apart. I'm March 24 and his, the 26th. I'm similar to him in many ways, some good, and some not so good, but I do take pride in who I am. Like my father, I can be stubborn, cocky, impatient, blunt, even sometimes slightly intimidating but I am also generous, kind, loving and true. I don't let my friends down and would give a stranger the shirt off my back if that's all I had left. And I too, can sometimes not have the guts to go after something because I fear I may not be good enough. I don't think this was entirely the case with my father, but his reason for never making a demo tape was his love for playing and not anything else.  

I think if you're passionate about something like my father was with music and playing the guitar, you should continue to pursue it and not just consider it as a hobby. So in honor of Father's Day on Sunday, I wanted to share with you some bits and pieces of him, like his guitar in this post, along with his Fender picks, amp plugs, written music notes, and cassette tapes he recorded his favorite songs on plus the music he'd make himself. And a lot of my readers have been wanting to see more videos like I used to create, and given this has been a project I've had on my mind and I wanted to make it extra special, I definitely had to make one in honor of my father. I hope he would have liked it, and I hope you do too with a tiny fraction of who he was. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read and watch something that really matters to me. And to all the father's out there, Happy Father's Day to you on Sunday. I love you, dad. Wish you were here, but I know you're watching and I hope I've made you proud. Until I see you when I see you, keep on keepin' on. 

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CREATIVE DIRECTOR: SUZANNE SPIEGOSKI

PHOTOGRAPHER & VIDEOGRAPHER: GILLES DECAMPS

PRODUCTION & STYLING: SUZANNE SPIEGOSKI 

{To Know You Is to Love You} In honor of Father's Day this Sunday, I finally created an editorial video after a long hiatus - come check it out & press play! :)

LOVE & XX'S,

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