Modern 50's Housewife

WEARING: CHICWISH DENIM PENCIL SKIRT | FOREVER 21 BLOUSE | NA-KD LEATHER JACKET | 
ODETTE & ODILE WHITE SUNNIES | NINE WEST LOAFERS | STEVE MADDEN TIGHTS | 
PAUL'S BOUTIQUE LONDON MIKA SHOULDER BAG | UO BLACK BANDANA 

THIS POST IS SPONSORED BY CHICWISH & PAUL'S BOUTIQUE LONDON

New York City Street Style

Hey, everyone! I'm sorry I've been MIA on the blog this week. Sometimes life takes a toll and you just gotta deal with it. After a week from hell with both work and personal struggles, I have come to the notion that when it rains, it freaking pours. I decided to not over-do it and to take it a bit more easy this week, hence only posting twice on MaQ + Suz. Luckily it's been a rather slower week and I didn't have as many deadlines as I normally do, so I guess there's the silver lining in that. In today's post, I'm digging into more about the recent struggles I face as someone who is in the creative field, and why I'm a bit concerned about where it is all headed. It's like this outfit - everyone being modernized, 'updated', renovated, etc; and yet in terms of politics, sociological aspects and more, we're still living back in the damn 50's. Even in this digital world. Continue reading for more on what I'm talking about along with where to shop this 'Modern 50's Housewife' look. 

A couple of weeks ago I filmed a campaign with Innisfree, the #1 beauty brand in Korea and now available in the U.S., talking about beauty care, our environment, this upcoming earth day and just a couple things #IGiveASheet about - click here to watch more. Reasons I bring this up, (aside from shameless promoting) is because I am grateful for all the opportunities that I've been given. I have never imagined I'd even get this far in my career. I work hard, am professional, and just want what everyone else wants: To be happy and to be able to do what I love, which is to create. But the constant changes in the digital world is making my head spin on top of other things going on in my life. I'm tired of hearing about how everything is changing for the better and that the new economy is the only way for this better change. I have friends moving along in life having babies, job promotions, glorious vacations, and I'm still slaving away day-and-night just to catch one little break. I'm willing to sacrifice life choices over my love for what I do. I don't need the money or fame - it's about the acknowledgment of someone's time and effort in their work along with their character. The reason I create is to inspire you - to make you think, feel, and change your mind and heart about many things. 

Whenever I get into a creative rut, I always go back to the same question. "Why did you start in the first place?" The answer, which to my dismay from several other bloggers within the community answering as such: Money, power, and/or fame has never been mine. Would it be nice to live more comfortably and not stress out every day about finances and such? Absolutely. But it makes things more difficult when more and more brands/companies aren't willing to fairly compensate you for your time, energy and work. Even global brands (which yes, they have the budget) will come back and say they don't and the only compensation they can offer is in exchange for products. (The new exchange in commerce.) I even had one collab offer this week where the brand wanted me to travel and pay out of my own pocket (on top of the collab being non-paid.) We're talking over 3 hours of commuting, not a subway ride away. I graciously turned it down. Now don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for every opportunity I receive, but when it comes down to real-life... it certainly won't pay all the bills. I can only sell so much product and for a fraction of the original price. Or a brand will want a test-run to 'see how things go' before moving forward. This is understandable. You want to know what you're getting yourself into and if you're going to be a match. But it should be about working towards something and not instantly getting what you want and then bowing out. 

Should brands/companies be paying for numbers of followers, likes, etc; or for the quality of the work? I'd say both, but I'm more of a believer in quality over quantity. For example, which is often the case, every concept creatively is refurbished, recycled, yadda yadda yadda, so nothing is ever really fresh and new anymore. (In the grand scheme of things.) A company may feel that because of this, it's more important to gravitate towards the numbers because that's where the consumers are at. Wrong. A micro-blogger can reach specific demographics other big names cannot. But... if it's content they've seen before (and they have half a brain and actually read a book once or twice in their life) you won't get a bite and they'll just keep scrolling. NOW, I'm certainly not saying I've never been inspired by past photo shoots, art and such, but I have never tried to replicate anyone's work. To me, it's downright insulting and really shows your lack of creativity. Be original. Think outside the box. We should be trying to break through barriers, not stay confined in them. And then when you fall into a creative funk, knowing that you're not satisfied with the quality of your work (yes, I'm extremely hard on myself and therefore nothing is ever good enough), it makes the struggle all the more challenging. Some days I think all of this is rubbish and then the next I think I'm actually doing something meaningful in the content that I work so tirelessly for. 

I took some time to think about what I wanted to write today because I was self-conscious at first. I thought, what if a brand or company reads this and then thinks of me differently? I need to stop caring about what other people think because quite frankly they don't! And second, why would I want to work with someone who after reading this post, and because of it judging me in a bad light? Same goes for colleagues, friends, and then some. I don't want to be working with anyone like that, let alone be associated with them. We all deserve to be collaborating with those that not only appreciate your efforts but also wants to build something together because you both believe in something, whether it's a concept or personal growth or both, it should be with love and positivity and support. Not ways of jumping through hoops in hopes of climbing up that ladder a bit faster than others. Why can't we remember that it's not the destination in life, but the journey? Name a legend or icon that became instantly famous and remained that way. NONE. They worked for years before a big break. And the blogging world is incredibly tough. It's competitive, cut-throat and downright stressful with all the job 'descriptions' of what we do that comes with. I write, produce, edit, shoot, film, meet and greet, brand, travel, forget to eat, sleep, and take care of myself, all the while trying to maintain some sort of balance in my personal life as well. It's easy to say you want to grow authentically, but with the surmounting pressures in the industry, the difficulty to act is not the same. 

New York City Fashion Street Style 

I'd rather authentically grow at a slower pace instead of sneakily participating in what are now, 'hidden giveaways', where bloggers are doing these giveaways under the radar where no one can see them (in secret groups and such) where they used to blatantly put loop giveaways into their feeds to instantly gain more followers because of the contest of winning free items (you know, a MacBook, an iPhone, etc; my eyes are rolling and are in pain at the same time just typing this) -what a crock of SH*T. (Don't even get me started on buying followers, likes and comments {and more}) That's why you see 'influencers' going from 20k to 40-50k overnight. It has nothing to do with the content they produce. It's all about the free goodies they're presenting to the world. And what's sadder? They lose nearly all of them once the giveaway is over. Oh, did I mention that in order to participate in the giveaway you have to BUY your way in? And I'm talking two to five hundred dollars, all for a few thousand instant followers. See my point here? And this is only one of the many scary examples as to why I'm frustrated with the business I'm in. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for giving back and have conducted some giveaways here and there, but then I remember what my main goal is for MaQ + Suz and it's certainly not giving away free crap just to gain a bigger audience. Also... if you call yourself an 'influencer', you're probably not an influencer at all. #sorrynotsorry  

My message is simple. I only work with those that believe and appreciate my work. Otherwise, I walk. Life's too short and if it's a gig that you think will compromise with your brand, just don't do it. I consider my blog my first-born child (aside from the furbaby MaQ), so whatever I feed/nourish it, that'll be the outcome as well. So take care of your baby. Take care of it every with all your might. And hold value into what you present to the world, whether it's yourself or your work, what you project will also be what the universe throws back to you. I hope you found some insight from this post and can relate to my struggles. We all go through it and even though it is my job to make everything look aesthetically beautiful, life is not this way and I believe interjecting real thoughts & reflections keeps my work honest and true. Leave your thoughts on this post down in the comment section below! I always love hearing from you guys! Thanks for the extra love lately, too. You're all too kind! Have a wonderful weekend. Catch up again soon.

LOVE & XX'S,

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Crazy Indigo Courageousness

WEARING: CHICO'S PETITE DENIM TRENCH COAT | 
ASSEMBLY NEW YORK STANDARD BLACK BELT COAT | EGO SKYE KITTEN HEEL SOCK BOOT
 IN NAVY BLUE | ALLES FRINGE BUCKET BAG | ROLEX OYSTER PERPETUAL DATE VINTAGE WATCH |
 14TH & UNION MULTIPLE HOOP EARRINGS

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY EGO SHOES.

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You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come out of it.
— Benjamin Mee

I wrote this in a caption on Instagram about a week ago. And I wanted to talk more about the significance of stepping out of your comfort zone and yes, sometimes doing things that might seem crazy at the time, but somehow always manage to bring something great out of it in return. Recently, I was having a conversation about this with a close girlfriend and how this applies to everything in life. From relationships to work, when was the last time you did something that was considered 'safe' and was rewarded for it? You know what I'm talking about. That job that pays the bills and gives you security but you hate it... that relationship you're in that sort of makes you happy but not entirely... because there's still something missing... or that trip you took and planned a thorough itinerary (don't get me wrong, it's good to make plans regarding any kind of travel) instead of letting go and getting lost, discovering hidden gems along the way. I find that especially when it comes to visiting a new place, to just let it flow... the unexpected always brings great adventures (and stories) out of it. 

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Now to the bit more complicated: Relationships. Ugh. As I mentioned during the conversation with my friend, "How many love stories have you heard of that was logical and easy?" Because to me, the greatest love stories aren't happily-ever-after fairytales. They are NOT those couples that gush and proclaim, "We never fight" or "We met and that was it." A deep love is extremely rich in an assortment of complications and takes a shit ton of work. Think about it. What's braver, fighting for what you want regardless of how 'sticky' the situation may be or just letting it pass, just like a wind, without a care in the world? Because whether it's a friend, lover or something more, these kinds of loves don't come around very often. It's not as if you can just hop on the next train or another great love, so to speak. To be willingly committed to someone or something takes true strength and courage. You can't cop out because it's too hard or you're too chicken shit.

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Now... have I ever run from something truly great? Oh, you betcha. Why? The one and only single reason: FEAR. Running away doesn't solve your problems, in fact, I sometimes think they'll become greater if you don't face them. And it doesn't matter what it is, but I think it's so important to stand up for what you believe in and to never avoid/digress in that feeling. I never once had the emotion of fear bring me anything except pain and regret. Even if you think you can't, trust me... you can! For me, it's always been mind over matter and you can set out whatever your heart desires. But you have to be the one to take the first step. Remember, if you want BIG rewards, you better be willing to take even BIGGER risks. 

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What are your thoughts on today's post? Is it better to take chances, carry a big set of balls and crazily just going for it in life or to be reasonable, taking precautions and/or only dipping your feet in the water (instead of jumping in, full throttle)? I want to know what you think! Leave your comments below. I've been getting a ton of responses to these navy blue sock booties by Ego Shoes. You can shop them HERE or down below in the "SHOP THE LOOK" section. If you haven't heard about the UK shoe brand, you best get to their site NOW! www. ego.co.uk Have a fantastic weekend, everyone! :)

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Green Oasis in a Concrete Jungle

WEARING: s a k u NEW YORK FLOREAL EMBROIDERED SLIP DRESS |
UNIQLO HEAT TECH TURTLENECK | MAD-STYLE ROCK & ROLL CROSS BODY BAG | 
MAUMERO HANNAH ANKLE BOOTS | LAST CALL PEACOCK EARRINGS  

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY s a k u New York.

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The motif behind Korean designer, Lissa Koo's work is both the chic New York sense and the easy, breezy West Coast atmosphere. While being a unique, never-seen-before style, saku New York offers clothes that are ready-to-wear and easily approachable for anyone. Pursuing both sportiness and femininity simultaneously, saku New York showcases silhouette apparel that greatly emphasizes women’s beauty along with comfortable fabrics that allow easy movement. The last of the three features with s a k u New York from the past week, a garden feel in the concrete jungle, this floral embroidered dress on the blog today is just that: there's a lot going on with lots to attend to but I still feel beautiful and yes, feminine. (Shocker in my "style vocabulary" ha ha ha!) Continue reading to see how I deal with feeling and looking positively radiant even if what's going on around me is completely chaotic and never-ending (or so it seems...) 

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Like a garden, what doesn't grow will die. And like in a garden, there will be setbacks: stubborn plants/flowers that will require higher maintenance, furry rodents trying to steal and ruin your crop, and yes, even those dry spells and perhaps even worse, when it rains... it really pours time period(s). Time and effort are an automatic given, and just in self-care, no matter how crazy your life can get, it is so important to give that time and effort to yourself. Sure, I love to see my friends and colleagues but I love my alone time just as much. In fact, I need it. Otherwise, I'd probably lose my mind. I got to have that in order to sort things out in my head and trust me, there's a lot going on up there at the moment. And I've always believed in that if you really want to grow, you've got to figure it out on your own and really, and I mean, really know what you want. Don't be compromising of that. 

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Β 

You also have to keep your eye on the prize. But just like that garden, that will get messy and hard to upkeep from time to time, you have to be able to see the bigger picture. Because like everything else in life, and yep, even when it comes to taking care of yourself, it's never an easy ride. It's more like an upside down topsy-turvy rollercoaster if you ask me. But, no matter how awful or how hopeless the ride seems to get, remember you can get off that ride at any time. But if you're not a quitter like myself, just hold on to that "Holy, shit!" handle and brace yourself until the ride ends. Because it eventually will. I can whatever metaphor all day long, but you know after any storm comes the rainbow right? I know, but it's true. Hang in there, my friend!

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Lastly, aside from 'me' time and seeing the bigger picture, don't forget to embrace your beauty amidst the chaos. Yes, you're probably tired, frustrated, stressed, maybe all three: but it's all about the energy you carry. Believe in the best of yourself and the other not-so-great reminders we have daily will slowly start to melt away. Every day I wake up and when I see myself in the mirror I try to reflect on the positive parts of myself rather than the negative. Instead of thinking, "My god, I look awful, I hate my nose, I wish it were smaller, instead start looking at the parts you, in fact, love about yourself. Maybe, "Wow, I never noticed how long and lush my eyelashes are," or, "That scar may be permanent, but it doesn't define who I am nor does it make me any less beautiful." In fact, I think these chaotic imperfect attributes are what makes some of the most beautiful people in the world. Think about it, you ever deeply love someone who was perfect? Yeah... my thoughts exactly. 

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Bluesy Metallic Friday

WEARING: s a k u NEW YORK METALLIC KNIT TOP | AMERICAN EAGLE WHITE JEANS | 
EGO TEGAN POINTED TOE | FOREVER 21 CREAM PATENT CLUTCH BAG | GALTISCOPIO JOLI CRYSTAL
 RING | H&M BLACK FEATHER POLKA DOT FEATHERED HOOP EARRING

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY s a k u New York.

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Lately, I've been feeling like I am failing in so many 'sections' of my life, I can't keep track. It leads to discouragement and therefore I'm harder on myself than I usually am. But it's also the fuel to the fire to not give up and to keep working toward what I want. What makes these cross paths in life easier to navigate? And how do you know when something is right? And even more so, how do you know when it's wrong? Regarding work and personal relationships, I am currently having major conflicts with time and effort. Trying to find the balance is quite difficult, even straight down to missing my best friend's wedding. And to make days of feeling pretty lousy worse, it just seems like so many people I know are getting those promotions, getting married, having babies, etc; and as much as I am happy for them - it's sometimes hard not to reflect on my own self. Am I doing the right thing? Am I making good decisions? Are they worth it? Are you worth it?  Maybe I should focus more on settling down and starting a family. But life takes you in so many directions and as my father always used to say, "If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your plans."

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You know, I've changed careers three times before really figuring myself out. From the criminal justice world to the figure skating world, to now the fashion blogging world, each transition scared the bejesus out of me. I've always firmly believed you should do one thing that scares you each and every day. And this can mean completely different things for everybody but challenge yourself. Not happy with something? Make that change. Get it done. Stop dreaming and start doing. Take a leap of faith. And even though each time I took a different route on that crazy path to self-discovery, as much as every time I would, of course, think over my choices, there was still something deep down in my gut that knew I was reaching closer to something. Like the truth.

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Now, how do you know when something isn't right? If it's broke and unfixable, and/or you are asking yourself if you've reached the end of whatever it may be, maybe a career choice/job or any kind of relationship, those are pretty obvious signs to me. Though, I think that if you've applied a lot of diligent effort to something or someone and the results are still same and you're still unhappy, that's the bottom line for me. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results, as Einstein used to say. But the bottom line is far away from where you draw the middle line. Because not everything is in black and white, right? The most complicated areas are always foggy and grey. 

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My instincts do say I'm on the right track. But I sometimes forget that it's not the destination that really matters, but the journey. Maybe that's why I feel like a failure lately. My impatience has a tendency to get the best of me. *Flaw alert* Whatever path you take in life will deeply be affected by your experiences and more especially, the choices you make from them. Because when it comes down to it, we ALL have a choice. In everything we do. So, I think that if you choose to stay in a certain mindset, either negative or positive, it really makes a difference in everyday living. Sure, I have those days too where the bully voice defeats me, I don't feel good enough for anyone or anybody, and I just want to be left alone. But I try very hard every day to wake up with a positive attitude, and I feel when I do, the rest of my day is rather positive too. How do you guys differentiate between what feels right and what feels wrong? Do you think that some people tend to gravitate towards one or the other for certain reasons? And how do you deal with those bluesy days like I've mentioned? Retail therapy? Writing? Gabbing on the phone with your girlfriend? Bad emotional eating habits? What helps you get you through it? 

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Houndstooth & Charles Bukowski

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EGO NASH BACKLESS ANKLE BOOTS | CHARLES BUKOWSKI WOMEN 


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I WAS SENTIMENTAL ABOUT MANY THINGS: A WOMAN'S SHOES UNDER THE BED; ONE HAIRPIN LEFT BEHIND ON THE DRESSER; THE WAY THEY SAID, "I'M GOING TO PEE. . ."; HAIR RIBBONS, WALKING DOWN THE BOULEVARD WITH THEM AT 1:30 IN THE AFTERNOON, JUST TWO PEOPLE WALKING TOGETHER; THE LONG NIGHTS OF DRINKING AND SMOKING, TALKING; THE ARGUMENTS; THINKING OF SUICIDE; EATING TOGETHER AND FEELING GOOD; THE JOKES; THE LAUGHTER OUT OF NOWHERE; FEELING MIRACLES IN THE AIR; BEING IN A PARKED CAR TOGETHER; COMPARING PAST LOVERS AT 3AM; BEING TOLD YOU SNORE, HEARING HER SNORE; MOTHERS, DAUGHTERS, SONS, CATS, DOGS; SOMETIMES DEATH AND SOMETIMES DIVORCE, BUT ALWAYS CARRYING ON, ALWAYS SEEING IT THROUGH; READING A NEWSPAPER ALONE IN A SANDWICH JOINT AND FEELING NAUSEA BECAUSE SHE'S NOW MARRIED TO A DENTIST WITH AN I.Q. OF 95; RACETRACKS, PARKS, PARK PICNICS; EVEN JAILS; HER DULL FRIENDS, YOUR DULL FRIENDS; YOUR DRINKING, HER DANCING; YOUR FLIRTING, HER FLIRTING; HER PILLS, YOUR FUCKING ON THE SIDE, AND HER DOING THE SAME; SLEEPING TOGETHER. . . . 

One of the many passages from writer Charles Bukowski's novel, Women, I always found comfort in his writing. His style flairs in the rawest form of honesty, something that most writers today do not have. The older I become the more I realize how important it is to pull away from the idea of what perfection is supposed to be - straight to its core in every aspect. Bukowski wasn't exactly the nicest of people; a total misogynist, narcissist and straight up alcoholic. Many disliked him, but many like myself saw him as an influence not just in the realm of writing. So in today's post I'm sharing with you five things I've learned from one of my favorite American writers.

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HONESTY 

Writers have so many things they can’t write about: family, spouses, exes, children, jobs, bosses, colleagues, friends. That’s why they make stuff up. Fiction is their best friend. But Bukowski didn’t let himself get hampered by that so we see real brutal honesty, a real anthropological survey of being down and out for 60+ years without anything being held back. No other writer before or since has done that. For a particular example, see his novel, Women which detailed every sexual nuance of every woman who dared to sleep with him after he achieved some success. Most of these women were horrified after the book came out. It's actually one of my favorite books written by Bukowski and the beginning excerpt of this post is from Women. Sure he talks badly about most of the experiences he has had with women, but what I really love about it is the cold hard dose of reality that comes with any relationship: disappointment, pain, heartache... love... and the way he is so candor about some of the more intimate parts of life. Think about it, would you find it easy or rather difficult talking about your personal relationships through the written word? 

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DISCIPLINE

Imagine coming home from an awful day at work and arguing with a woman/man that was living with you, finishing off a six-pack of beer and then... writing. He did it every day. Most people want to write that novel, or finish that painting, or start that business, but have zero discipline to actually sit down and do it. I'm actually amazed he had any sort of discipline at all. With that kind of work ethic, it just goes to show that if you truly love what you're doing, it will supersede the rest. (Even through the potent powers of alcohol!) In order to be a writer, you must really love to write and you must write every single day. Easy to say, but so tough to do. I, myself, also write every day, but I'm not going to lie, there are some pretty bad days where I just want to throw my typewriter out the window. But you keep at it, because it's all you know, it's all you have and without the written word, you feel like you could die. That's how Bukowski felt too.

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SHAMELESSNESS

Bukowski didn't give a rat's ass what people thought about him. And I praise him for that. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and am always second-guessing myself. I sometimes wish I could throw caution to the wind and really have that mentality of 'no f*cks given' at all times. But when feeling extra down, my insecurities tend to get the best of me. Learning the art of not caring what people think takes time and experience, I think. But I've always admired those who really didn't worry about the opinions of others - because it's not as easy as it looks. It can be cleverly hidden in so many different ways.

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POETRY

Bukowski was quite the poet. And it's all non-fiction, which to me, is the best part. It's not the puzzle-kind of poetry where you have to intellectually decode it to understand it. His work was straight to the point. Poetry was something that let writers to master making each word in a sentence effective and powerful. It was this training that allowed them to destroy the competition when they sat down to write their longer pieces. That's how I also got started in writing. In fact, the first two pieces I ever had published were actually poems I wrote as a young teenager. It was only after these publications that I really started to consider becoming a writer. 

PERSISTENCE

The man wrote his first novel at age 49. And it took him over 25 years to become a successful writer. Everyone (mostly everyone) nowadays wants instant gratification. Less and less are understanding what it takes to become one of the greats. I find that when most figure out how long or how much dedication/work will be required to reach whatever goal you may have, most tend to give up before even reaching that halfway mark. And Bukowski was far from perfect and yet still managed to become what he wanted to become. So if he could stay persistent despite all the misfortunes and misgivings life can bring, he still kept plugging away and never gave up. And to me, that's what makes the heart of any champion... 

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