Lady in Red

June 20, 2017

WEARING: ZAFUL CROPPED OFF THE SHOULDER TOP AND BELTED SLIT A-LINE SKIRT

THIS POST IS SPONSORED BY ZAFUL BUT ALL OPINIONS ARE MY OWN.

HEY, DON'T STOP YOUR LOVIN', WALK OUT ON ME

DON'T STOP FOR NOTHIN', YOU'RE WHAT I BLEED

I LEARNED TO LOVE YOU, THE WAY YOU NEED

'CAUSE I KNOW WHAT'S PAIN, THIS IS NOT THE SAME...

Hi, everyone! Happy Tuesday! I'm off to a great start this week, just shot my first commercial and had the most wonderful experience! Afterward, I felt like painting the town red! Do you have a color you love to wear that makes you feel empowered, sexy and fun all at the same time? For me, it's definitely the color, red. Be as it may I am a full-blooded Aries, I've always been strongly drawn to this color. Red, the color of blood and fire, is associated with meanings of love, passion, desire, heat, longing, lust, sexuality, sensitivity, romance, joy, strength, leadership, courage, vigor, willpower, rage, anger, danger, malice, wrath, stress, action, vibrancy, radiance, and determination. Red exudes power, energy, and excitement. It makes peoples' hearts beat faster. My mother was the first person to show me how to express myself through fashion & style, and that every color carries symbolisms and how you wear that color really exudes your current thoughts and feelings. Do you guys agree with what the color you're wearing says about you?

Wear red when you want to be assertive, need an energy boost or exude sexuality. Red is effective as an accessory to project energy. Avoid red when you feel nervous and want to elude attention. For example, I wouldn't wear a red dress to a business meeting you're super nervous about. To blend in, neutral palettes are great for something like this (especially during the summer and even winter) or you can be a typical New Yorker like myself, and be decked out in all black attire. Whenever I feel like celebrating a big win or am just feeling really good about myself, my color go-to has always been red! It's just me – what can I say?

I'm just a tad bit obsessed with this two-piece set from Zaful. The cropped off-the-shoulder top and belted slit A-line skirt give me all the Latin feels. I just want to dance when I'm in it, even at home in bed! I would definitely wear this out on the town or at a music festival, especially for Latin night! I actually wanted to do another music video type of number like the last video I created for Father's Day, but with this outfit. Unfortunately, I'm way too busy this week. But don't worry, I will be making more soon!

What other types of content would you like to see me do more of in terms of video? More food & cooking? More pet & lifestyle? Travel? Or a little bit of everything? I always love to hear feedback from the readers who take the time to come onto the site to look and read different posts. Your comments never go unappreciated and I value each and every one of them. Don't forget to leave your favorite color to wear down below! It is also for research on my upcoming giveaway for reaching over 20k on Instagram! Whoa! Seriously, though, guys... thank you for the love and support through the years. I know I have said it over and over again, but I wouldn't be where I am without you. Big hugs & kisses. I'm off to meetings for the rest of the day! Let's make it a great one!

LOVE & XX'S,

SHOP THE LOOK

Zaful Cropped Off The Shoulder Top And Belted Slit A-Line Skirt - Red

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Keep on Moving Forward

June 6, 2017

WEARING: TOBI OFF THE SHOULDER BLACK DRESS | ZARA BALLERINAS WITH STRAPS | 
LOUISE & ELEANOR SQUIGGLE BAG | H&M EVIL EYE/ITALIAN HORN NECKLACE

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TOBI AND LOUISE & ELEANOR.

"THE TRUTH IS UNLESS YOU LET GO, UNLESS YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF UNLESS YOU FORGIVE THE SITUATION UNLESS YOU REALIZE THAT THE SITUATION IS OVER, YOU CANNOT MOVE FORWARD."

Moving sucks. You know it, I know it, we all know it. Hence, for my lack of social media posts and overall online activity as of late. I just packed up all my stuff and relocated to Union Square from the East Village, and even though the geographical change ain't too shabby, the process of any move can sometimes be overwhelming, let alone stressful. It can even trigger memories you've stashed so far in the back of your mind from many, many years ago. And because you guys have been so supportive of me opening up more on the blog lately, today's post won't be on how-to-move, or explaining the move, because who cares, really? Instead, I wanted to share with you more on my relationship with my father and my first-time experience moving... across the country.

I was originally born in the Los Angeles area but my time there was brief. As mentioned in previous posts, my parents fought like it was their full-time job. What made matters worse was the way they fought over me. Where to start? It all began with my father's tan Toyota truck. It wasn't anything special. It wasn't even brand new. But he and I rode in that thing everywhere. Anywhere he'd go, I'd follow. You know the arm rests that are located in between the two seats? I would sit right on top of the one nearest to my dad, just so I could literally be as close to him as possible.

During one summer afternoon when I was around 4 or 5 years old, my parents were fighting again when my father asked if I'd like to go for a ride in the truck. Little did I know it would be the longest road trip of my life. He had tricked me into thinking it was a quick trip to the grocery store. For three days straight, he drove from California to Michigan. All I really remember was the miles upon miles of the empty desert and spilling a glass of orange juice from McDonald's on one of the seats of the truck. I remember that accident quite vividly as I had never seen him get that upset before. I believe that was the first time I really started to see his true colors. It took me until my teenage years to finally realize how abusive my father really had been.

No, I was never physically abused. I once got hit a few times with a leather belt (let's just say I REALLY screwed up) but the kind of abuse I had endured was verbal; emotionally and mentally. It has taken me all my life to recover from this. I'm still working on it. I hate him for the damage he's caused. Not just on me, but on my mother, my brother, my estranged family... I almost want to say it's irreparable, but I also want to say I'm living proof that you can get through it. It can be pretty difficult, but with time, patience and the support from good friends, all wounds eventually heal. But just like a scab, you pick at it too long, it'll never have the time to repair itself back up.

Do I have issues with men & relationships now because of my father-daughter relationship growing up? Yes. I didn't have a father who was showing me right and wrong when it came to treating women. He not only verbally abused my mother but physically as well. And we're not talking some minor altercation where he's slapped her once or twice. (Which is STILL never f&%king okay!) We're talking throwing bows, even my mother chasing after him with knives and then some. All the while both of them screaming at me to call the police. I was just a kid and the idea of snitching on either of my parents, whom I both loved very much, was something I definitely didn't want to do. It was never about protecting them, but using me against each other. And therefore bringing guilt and shame into the situation. If I didn't call the cops, my mother would tell me I was a coward for not protecting her. If I did call the cops, which I did a few times, my father would tell me I betrayed him.

I felt like a rag doll being pulled from both ends through most of my childhood. And no matter what I did, I just couldn't manage (or so it seems) to ever be completely accepted by both of my parents. They were constantly competing for my love (i.e; "Do you know what your mother did? She couldn't love you like I love you if she could just leave you like that..." - "Did you know what your father did to me? Even my very own sisters told me not to marry such a monster...") Talk about toxic! I never knew what was completely true or somewhat fabricated.

But why stay together for over 25 years if it was all bad and nothing good? Well, I wouldn't say that either. My brother and I had the best birthday's, Christmas's, and every other holiday of every month because of my mother. She organized everything while my dad was the 'breadwinner' of the family. And even though we never had much, she made the best with what she had. And I truly miss those special occasions where she'd surround us with her warm, pure heart, making everything seem like it was going to be alright. And even though my father was far from perfect, he did manage to be present in my life, unlike some other father's I know.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, despite all the pain and heartache that can go on in any kind of relationship, know that it can't be all bad, and it can't be all good. And when it's like that, it's even harder to walk away from the toxicity, no matter how much you may love that person. I didn't become estranged from my father until my late 20s when I finally said enough was enough when he began to emotionally blackmail me with suicide threats for over three weeks straight. I stood my ground and told him I wasn't going to take any more of his abuse and that if he wanted me in his life, he'd have to get his life in order and be more present in his kid's lives. Unfortunately, we never got around to that.

The irony is the day he passed away was the day he finally was getting his life back on track. He has just left a job interview where he was hired on the spot, where while on his way out of the building, walking down the hallway, he suffered a massive coronary and died immediately after. I will always long to speak to him one last time, to reunite and tell him that even though he's caused so much hurt in my life, I still to this day will and always will love him. No matter what. Because love is about forgiving others and also, forgiving yourself. I still beat myself up for estranging myself from him because I know it hurt both of us too, but I had to do what was best for me at that given time. And I think he too, knew this deep down. So, don't burn every bridge you come across (even though some are meant to be burnt) because forgiving others is almost as powerful as empowering others or yourself. Without forgiveness, there is no compassion. No love. I don't mean to preach, but I've been thinking a lot about the best way to move forward, and to me, I think it all starts with the art of forgiveness.

LOVE & XX'S,

SHOP THE LOOK

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Paint It Black

June 2, 2017

WEARING: TOBI TRENDY BLACK MIDI DRESS | ROSEGAL SILVER BEAD HOOPS | 
STEVE MADDEN LUXE BLACK OPEN TOE PUMPS

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TOBI.

BEFORE I TOUCH DIRT, I'LL KILL YOU ALL WIT' KINDNESS... I KILL YA, MY NATURAL PERSONA'S MUCH WORSE.

Have you ever had a dinner where the food is really great, the ambiance is dope but the company in which you keep perhaps maybe not as much so? Sure not every outing I've ever been on has gone swell. But sometimes, the people I have to converse with (not saying many but there are a few...) makes me want to scratch my eyes out. And there are all kinds of factors to set in as well. First, do you have something interesting to talk about other than Instagram algorithms or how vapid the world has become, you included? Or are we going to go around the exact typical merry-go-round of shooting the breeze? Am I one not to give a younger person a chance to talk to simply because they don't fall into the same age category as me? Hell, no! In fact, I've gotten very close to a much younger gal who is like my kid sister. She is half my age, but wise beyond her years. Age is yet again nothing but a number. To me, it's all about emotional maturity. I have no trouble relating with an 80-year-old just as much as with a 17-year-old; so long as you're not a complete baboon with nothing to offer me except wasted time. No, I'm not saying no one has anything to offer because we all do. But what really counts is what you do with it and your time while you're here. And nothing irks me more than wasted time. Because you'll never get it back. Tell me a story, share with me your ideas, beliefs, and passions. Secondly, do you know that saying, where it goes something along the lines of being kind to everyone you meet because you never know what kind of battle they're fighting? Seems fair, right? Trust me as I live and breathe it, there are a lot of people who are not kind at all. And if you cross me or do something that's not in the 'kindness' category to me or someone I love? You're going to see the Detroit-side in me that most people never see. And it ain't a pretty sight.

I grew up right smack dab in the middle of Detroit. No, not Bloomfield Hills or Birmingham, not even Troy or Livonia. And my childhood was quite difficult. My parents fought like cats & dogs, and the I grew up always either being afraid or anxious. My father was concerned for me while raising me in Detroit. For one, I'm Asian (where there was literally a total of three Asian families within our entire community) and being petite, my physical attributes had a tendency to put me in vulnerable positions. I was bullied and ostracized until I left for college. And so, even at a very young age, my father taught me how to fight, both physically and mentally. A boxer in his early -teens, he may have instilled too much fight in me. Some of my closest friends have confessed to me that I can come across intimidating, carrying a full-blown "don't f*&k with me" attitude, even up to the point of looking like Lucy Liu's RBF. Which hey, this I won't take as a bad thing... ;)

Which I guess can be one of the reasons why people may find it hard to approach me, but I promise you this - I do not bite... HARD. Ha ha ha! All kidding aside, I'm not going to say I'm the easiest person in the world to deal with. So what is this Detroit thing I speak of? Well, it's amongst a number of things - pride, frankness, and grit. It's all about fighting for what you want in life and standing up for yourself and being fearless with the power of your own voice. I know where I come from and I know who I am, and once people do get to know me, I'd like to think they don't see me as half-bad. What gets me into trouble though is my curiosity and the disappointments people bring because I'm so hard on everyone, including myself. During the dinner I mentioned, in the beginning of this post, I had brought up the question to several bloggers/influences (whatever the heck we're labeled these days LOL) on why they had begun their Instagram in the first place since this is where most of us began as we fine-tuned our blogs simultaneously. The answers were shocking. One stressed validation, another money, and the typical answer - to connect with others. Okay, two of the three I can slightly understand. I too, use Instagram as a platform to connect and make a living, but my sole reason is to attempt to make an impact on other's lives with my creativity and words. I want nothing more than to get you to think and feel; to be inspired. To let you know you're not alone, that others are fighting just as hard as you are and that we're in this together. We will carry on because there is no other way. Because we have to.

Perhaps I don't relate to those who come from money and never had to work a day in their whole life, even though they sleazily act as if they do (eyes rolling, you ain't fooling anyone sweetheart!) don't tell me you earned everything on your own when we both know mommy and daddy still take care of you and your bills. I've been working since I was 12 years old and everything I have achieved so far in my life was honest hard-work. I give my blood, sweat, and tears when it comes to my creative outlets. I also do it for no one but myself. Seeking validation on a social media platform is NOT work, I REPEAT, NOT WORK! And stop complaining about your engagement rate not being high enough when you're not willing to put in the time and effort of displaying high-quality content, remaining consistent while maintaining some sort of discipline in this cut-throat, competitive industry. Sure an iPhone shot suffices from time to time, but if you're really trying to grow and aspire to be more than just basic #sorrynotsorry then I strongly suggest thinking outside the box, but especially reconsidering your strategy when it comes to quality over quantity. People will get sick and tired of just seeing you and your 'outfits'. Give me something MORE, dammit! Mic drop, I'm out.

LOVE & XX'S,

SHOP THE LOOK

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Oranges and Gingham

May 26, 2017

WEARING: ZAFUL GINGHAM ROMPER | YOINS GREEN BATCHEL BAG W/ CONTRAST TRIMS | 
ZARA CORK & LEATHER WEDGES | VINTAGE JADE HOOP EARRINGS | H&M WOODEN BANGLES

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ZAFUL & YOINS.

IT'S LIKE APPLES TO ORANGES, PEACHES TO PLUMS, YEAH, I'M BANANAS!

My last editorial was a bit somber and because it's also Friday, I wanted to share some more upbeat content. 'Cause life's also too damn short to sit around and feel sad all the time too, am I right? One thing I'm not too keen on expressing is my insecurities ['cause we all have 'em too (from time to time)] since most don't understand why I would be this way or that I'm just full of crap. To be brutally honest, I've had low self-esteem my whole life and though it does have a lot to do with my upbringing, I only have myself to blame. How did I get here? I was raised to believe that nothing I'd do would be ever good enough, that even "my best would never do", according to my father. Of course, that's stuck with me since he's said that to my face, and even though he's no longer with me, I'm still trying to prove him and the world wrong. That I am enough. That I matter. That I'm worth more than just a pretty face.

What's upbeat about this you might be thinking? Well... the more time and energy I'm investing in what I'm doing when it comes to digital content, the more proud and courageous I'm becoming in sharing with you more about me, and also perhaps breaking the rules here and there while you follow me along the way. Because since taking creative content as seriously as I do, I've simultaneously have been healing from all the things from the past that do make us insecure and not feeling like we belong anywhere. No, I didn't need validation from social media. Did I perhaps in my past seek that kind of approval from a man? Perhaps... because no one's perfect – at least I have the balls to admit to my flaws. I create for myself because I HAVE to. Without it, I'd probably go insane, bananas, if you will... and hearing from you guys every day is what helps keep me going. Your support has been tremendous and just knowing I have some affect in your lives means everything to me. It has been so inspiring and I couldn't have felt this good about myself without you!

Be sure though that feeling good about yourself starts within. When I first started doing more editorial like shoots for MaQ + Suz, I was trying to elevate my skills & strengths to a higher level. Because of course, this, in turn, would make me feel productive and then really great. But the more involved I became in my research with fashion & photography, the more I craved to produce visual stories and to try and mix things up by taking risks and continuing to challenge myself. And the more story-telling I do, the more confident I am in my capabilities. That perhaps what I am doing is sort of right, that readers actually dig my work. It is true what they say, keep your head held up high and don't let 'em knock you down. The way you carry yourself and the way you let others treat you says a lot about you, so start from within and know that doing you without any compromise will not only get you far, but being an unapologetic badass and sticking up for what you want will reward you with all the self-love in return.

With my upbeat take on myself, I wanted to do a shoot with fruit but very much in street style mode. And because of the warm colors, I wanted to do a little spin on some good ole' 70s vibes. Mixing in my California roots with my saucy attitude, this gingham romper by Zaful is so freaking cute and comfortable! I love how breathable it is for hotter days and the girly cut on the bottom of this romper is too adorable. I knew I had to style it with chunky bangles and big hoop earrings. To keep it kind of pin-up girl-ish, I stuck with my favorites cork wedges by Zara and did my hair in a high ponytail (because let's face it ladies, when it's that hot out, you just got to put your mane up). Lastly can we talk about how amazing this green bag is from Yoins?! Stylish, iconic and versatile — a clever hybrid of the Satchel and the Briefcase, the 'Batchel' is the newest addition to my bag fam! And one of many of the summer gang... What do you guys think of this look? And when it comes to the insecurities we all face from time to time, how do you cope with them? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! Comment and shop the look down below – wishing you all a lovely weekend!

LOVE & XX'S,

SHOP THE LOOK

Yoins Green Batchel Bag w/ Contrast Trim

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Plaid at No. 22

May 24, 2017

WEARING: VIP ME BLACK PLAID LONG SLEEVE SHIRT W/ WIDE LEG PANTS | 
MATT BERNSON MEZZA | ZAFUL TRIANGLE CLUTCH

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY VIPme.

My mind has been stuck on Manchester.

What kind of world are we living in where our children can't even go to a concert without being safe anymore? Imagine - 13... 14... 15 years old and running for your life thinking it's the end. And yet we have people wasting their energy complaining on Instagram for having their photos (not even their photos actually) being reported and therefore taken down because of it. How about instead of posting tits and va-jay-jays that are solely for attention-seeking, we rather post content that either tells a story or tells a story within a story? Why does everything have to be instantly gratifying nowadays? Don't get me wrong. Everyone is allowed to do whatever the heck they want, and I'm not here to preach what one should or should not do... but can't we give this bullshit a rest? People are dying out there and you want to talk about why it's okay to post nudity because we're all naked in the end or whatever cockamamy excuse you want to use to call it a way of expressing art? Now, have I ever done a self-portrait of my booty? You bet your ass I did, but the difference is I didn't do it for anyone but myself. And I certainly didn't post it or someone else's work to grab any kind of reaction.

Sure, everything is redone/copied/heavily inspired by someone else's work today, even sometimes making the fashion world quite an ugly one. Not everyone that's talented is kind or even decent for that matter. But what I appreciate is the story-telling that is ongoing, that leaves me with the desire to do the same. No, I may not have the power or finances to help with what is going on in the world at the moment, but my power to share the content I create, I believe, does help and inspire others to do more and be more.

Like this British-inspired, two-piece made of plaid and leather by VIPme. After the Manchester attacks, I wasn't sure what deemed appropriate in terms of my next blog post, given the crazy times we're living in is much of what I've been thinking about the past couple of days. But as I was editing this shoot, I played around with the tones much more than I usually do. I think it has a lot to do with mood and your environment. And I'm more and more in tune with what can be told through a photograph, so for me, this is my teeny-tiny little tribute towards our current events. Plus, I've always had a soft spot for UK fashion.

Summer is coming but before the hot days are here to stay, you can mix this two piece with so many other styles. I accessorized with an old pair of gold hoop earrings and Matt Bernson flats. The triangle clutch from Zaful is from last Fall but is still a favorite in my handbag roundup. I love the linen feel of the two-piece, and really dig the black leather statement pockets in the front of the top.

The bottoms have pockets too and I love that you can not only wear them together but also separately. The pants would look chic with a white tee and blazer and the top would look great with black jeans or even a cute white denim skirt. I love when pieces hold a ton of versatility and can be worn all year round, especially in places with all four seasons like here in New York. What do you guys think of this two-piece? How would you have styled it?

And lastly, I've recently been getting a lot of food content requests, with questions of when I will be getting back into video content as well. I'm happy to report that after a tiny hiatus (because video editing is my worst nightmare and least favorite thing to do in the world LOL) but also because I haven't found a story I really wanted to create for it, I have finally got something in store for you! It'll be out in the next couple of weeks, but it's something really special to me and I hope it'll blow you away! Stay tuned because I can't wait to just even share the behind the scenes!

Lots of changes happening right now and I'm excited, nervous and a bit overwhelmed at the moment, but I know me and I'll be just fine. At the end of the day, we have no one to answer to but ourselves. So be true to you and to others. Stop being full of crap, be nice, and go out there and get ish done! I know it sounds easier said than done, but remember that people love you and care about you, that includes me! Spreading nothing but Love + Light, forever and always. Until next time, take care of yourself and take care of others. Smooches. xx