Running with Scissors

October 25, 2017

WEARING: SAKU MUSTARD YELLOW LACE TOP | LEVI'S 711 ALTERED SKINNY JEANS | 
FOREVER 21 BURGUNDY FAUX LEATHER ANKLE BOOTS | SEPCOEUR PARIS SUEDE DRAWSTRING BAG

HAIR CUT + COLOR: TAYLOR & DAVID ADAMS FROM FOURTEEN JAY & AVEDA.

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY s a k u New York.

Ever willfully act in a reckless, foolish, and/or dangerous manner? Alluding to the literal act of running with a pair of scissors in one's hand, which can cause severe injury, yet for whatever reason, one keeps running around with 'em and that is without a doubt stupid. But why? Most might say, it's easy. You just don't know any better. You like to live dangerously. Maybe you just don't give a damn and don't want to stop. But I don't think everything is that crystal-clear either though. Sometimes you have to dig deeper in search of the answer as to why. I'd say my blatant honesty are those pair of scissors sometimes, and that first cut can be rather sharp. I am fiery and passionate even impetuous at times, especially when emotions are running high. Especially in matters of the heart.

I'm an all or nothing type of gal. I never half-ass in anything I do, if I'm in it - I am all the way, 100%. This applies to all sorts of relationships, either professional or personal. But those very personal ones? I have to be into you. No, it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, this also relates to friendships, to even companies/brands I work with. The relationship has to be REAL. And it should go both ways, so if I'm interested in them then it should be equally reciprocated. How else are you going to build what you have together? Is there such a thing as mutual interest though? Or is it always one having a little bit more of an interest than the other? I think that's what makes relationships unique and difficult simultaneously. And when you find those rare, great ones, they're all the more special.

On another scissoring-note, the cut of this ribbed top by s a k u New York is my latest fave! The mustard yellow is not a normal color hanging up in my closet and I am completely obsessed with the lace detail on the front and back end of the top! s a k u New York is one of my favorite Korean clothing brands. The designer, Lissa Koo, never plays it safe - as do I - on top of her talent and creativity. And I think playing it safe in life isn't the best approach either. You've got to be a little reckless and wild to be free. Because it will open you up to so many amazing things! So I say run with those scissors from time to time. Just don't intentionally hurt anyone with them.

Do you ever feel like you've got those pair of scissors around you too? What do you do to get them to 'disappear' and have it more 'together'? Is there a way to do that with a fiery and passionate person like myself? Because I'm pretty difficult to tame... and who's to say frankness is such a terrible trait to have? I'm always saying, so long as you're not hurting yourself or others, I'm fine with it. So scissors, honesty, schmonesty - just don't be deliberate in causing pain. I'd love to hear your insights on today's topic! Comment down below and follow me on Instagram for more of my everyday life. See you guys back here on Friday!

LOVE & XX'S,

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Houndstooth & Charles Bukowski

October 16, 2017

WEARING: VINTAGE MACKINTOSH OVERSIZED HOUNDSTOOTH JACKET |
FOREVER 21 OVERSIZED CUTOUT SHIRT | LEVI'S 711 ALTERED SKINNY JEANS |
EGO NASH BACKLESS ANKLE BOOTS | CHARLES BUKOWSKI WOMEN

I WAS SENTIMENTAL ABOUT MANY THINGS: A WOMAN'S SHOES UNDER THE BED; ONE HAIRPIN LEFT BEHIND ON THE DRESSER; THE WAY THEY SAID, "I'M GOING TO PEE. . ."; HAIR RIBBONS, WALKING DOWN THE BOULEVARD WITH THEM AT 1:30 IN THE AFTERNOON, JUST TWO PEOPLE WALKING TOGETHER; THE LONG NIGHTS OF DRINKING AND SMOKING, TALKING; THE ARGUMENTS; THINKING OF SUICIDE; EATING TOGETHER AND FEELING GOOD; THE JOKES; THE LAUGHTER OUT OF NOWHERE; FEELING MIRACLES IN THE AIR; BEING IN A PARKED CAR TOGETHER; COMPARING PAST LOVERS AT 3AM; BEING TOLD YOU SNORE, HEARING HER SNORE; MOTHERS, DAUGHTERS, SONS, CATS, DOGS; SOMETIMES DEATH AND SOMETIMES DIVORCE, BUT ALWAYS CARRYING ON, ALWAYS SEEING IT THROUGH; READING A NEWSPAPER ALONE IN A SANDWICH JOINT AND FEELING NAUSEA BECAUSE SHE'S NOW MARRIED TO A DENTIST WITH AN I.Q. OF 95; RACETRACKS, PARKS, PARK PICNICS; EVEN JAILS; HER DULL FRIENDS, YOUR DULL FRIENDS; YOUR DRINKING, HER DANCING; YOUR FLIRTING, HER FLIRTING; HER PILLS, YOUR FUCKING ON THE SIDE, AND HER DOING THE SAME; SLEEPING TOGETHER. . . .

One of the many passages from writer Charles Bukowski's novel, Women, I always found comfort in his writing. His style flairs in the rawest form of honesty, something that most writers today do not have. The older I become the more I realize how important it is to pull away from the idea of what perfection is supposed to be - straight to its core in every aspect. Bukowski wasn't exactly the nicest of people; a total misogynist, narcissist and straight up alcoholic. Many disliked him, but many like myself saw him as an influence not just in the realm of writing. So in today's post I'm sharing with you five things I've learned from one of my favorite American writers.

HONESTY

Writers have so many things they can’t write about: family, spouses, exes, children, jobs, bosses, colleagues, friends. That’s why they make stuff up. Fiction is their best friend. But Bukowski didn’t let himself get hampered by that so we see real brutal honesty, a real anthropological survey of being down and out for 60+ years without anything being held back. No other writer before or since has done that. For a particular example, see his novel, Women which detailed every sexual nuance of every woman who dared to sleep with him after he achieved some success. Most of these women were horrified after the book came out. It's actually one of my favorite books written by Bukowski and the beginning excerpt of this post is from Women. Sure he talks badly about most of the experiences he has had with women, but what I really love about it is the cold hard dose of reality that comes with any relationship: disappointment, pain, heartache... love... and the way he is so candor about some of the more intimate parts of life. Think about it, would you find it easy or rather difficult talking about your personal relationships through the written word?

DISCIPLINE

Imagine coming home from an awful day at work and arguing with a woman/man that was living with you, finishing off a six-pack of beer and then... writing. He did it every day. Most people want to write that novel, or finish that painting, or start that business, but have zero discipline to actually sit down and do it. I'm actually amazed he had any sort of discipline at all. With that kind of work ethic, it just goes to show that if you truly love what you're doing, it will supersede the rest. (Even through the potent powers of alcohol!) In order to be a writer, you must really love to write and you must write every single day. Easy to say, but so tough to do. I, myself, also write every day, but I'm not going to lie, there are some pretty bad days where I just want to throw my typewriter out the window. But you keep at it, because it's all you know, it's all you have and without the written word, you feel like you could die. That's how Bukowski felt too.

SHAMELESSNESS

Bukowski didn't give a rat's ass what people thought about him. And I praise him for that. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and am always second-guessing myself. I sometimes wish I could throw caution to the wind and really have that mentality of 'no f*cks given' at all times. But when feeling extra down, my insecurities tend to get the best of me. Learning the art of not caring what people think takes time and experience, I think. But I've always admired those who really didn't worry about the opinions of others - because it's not as easy as it looks. It can be cleverly hidden in so many different ways.

POETRY

Bukowski was quite the poet. And it's all non-fiction, which to me, is the best part. It's not the puzzle-kind of poetry where you have to intellectually decode it to understand it. His work was straight to the point. Poetry was something that let writers to master making each word in a sentence effective and powerful. It was this training that allowed them to destroy the competition when they sat down to write their longer pieces. That's how I also got started in writing. In fact, the first two pieces I ever had published were actually poems I wrote as a young teenager. It was only after these publications that I really started to consider becoming a writer.

PERSISTENCE

The man wrote his first novel at age 49. And it took him over 25 years to become a successful writer. Everyone (mostly everyone) nowadays wants instant gratification. Less and less are understanding what it takes to become one of the greats. I find that when most figure out how long or how much dedication/work will be required to reach whatever goal you may have, most tend to give up before even reaching that halfway mark. And Bukowski was far from perfect and yet still managed to become what he wanted to become. So if he could stay persistent despite all the misfortunes and misgivings life can bring, he still kept plugging away and never gave up. And to me, that's what makes the heart of any champion...

LOVE & XX'S,

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Stripes and Heavy Hearts

October 4, 2017

WEARING: ROSEGAL STRIPED MOCK NECK CASUAL KNIT DRESS | 
MICHAEL KORS MERCER LEATHER CROSSBODY | EGO TEGAN POINTED TOE ANKLE BOOTS | 
MAD-STYLE CALLY EARRINGS

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ROSEGAL.

Since waking up Monday morning to hear of yet another senseless tragedy in America, I am left with a heavy heart and can't stop crying these past few days. What is happening in our world right now? I can't stop thinking about everyone affected by this. Think about it. Over 500+ injured, 58 dead... triple that amount just to get a perspective on how many people have been touched by this awful incident. As much as I love my work, creating and publishing content without as much as a discussion, let alone a stupid fucking meme with hearts and prayers, is definitely hitting below the belt. I've never seen so many fashionista's Insta-stories and/or social media posts giving 'shoutouts' to the victims and families (or nothing at all, just completely unacknowledging them)... only to go on about their daily lives and not even mention any ways to help like donating blood, contacting your elected representatives to support mental health or stricter gun control policies, or other ways to donate, such as natural disaster relief funds to the victims of Hurricane Harvey. And why do I feel like the ones that preach the most about this shit are the ones that aren't really helping to begin with? I know that sounds pretty harsh, but it is sort of the reality of the situation. Now, I AM NOT saying that there isn't anyone out there, with the power and reach, to spread information like wildfire in a scenario like this, because there are, and kudos to you for taking the time to do so, but there's a lot of you that really don't care about anyone but yourself. And I can attest to this because I'm seeing it unfold right before my very eyes, unfortunately.

Whenever something tragic like this happens, I immediately think of my loved ones. Family first. Don't you? Now for those who don't know me that well, I don't have any family. They're all gone. Either physically or through tough life predicaments, I am left with no one but myself. I don't have a single soul to call and cry about my problems to or have a mommy or daddy to help me out when I'm financially in a pickle. I've been on my own for a long time now. So I tend to get pretty depressed sometimes and will shut down. Especially in a time like now where all I want is to talk to my parents and hug them and tell them how much I love and miss them. I need some form of solidarity when feeling alone and confused. There is no love like one from a parent. A good parent. The most important family is not the one you were born into, but the one you choose. I have a small circle of friends that I trust and hold very dear to, but very few have entered into this circle and have stayed there. Loyalty is hard to come by these days and I'm finding myself losing more and more hope with the world we're living in.

Sure you can be an advocate of some kind, whether it's donating your time, money or both to organizations that will help carry that through, but to me, the best and most important way to help right now is to constantly BE KIND and LOVING. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. So be good to each other. Hug your loved ones extra tight and never forget to be grateful for your life and others. And be forgiving. I've talked about this in the past, because it really hits close to home. It's not about forgiving and forgetting what's hurt you, but more about letting go and being able to move forward. Self-love is something I too have struggled with my whole life, and I'm slowly but surely starting to see my worth and will no longer waste my time on those who don't see this. If they don't look at you like you're magic, walk away... or rather, RUN away. Doesn't matter if they're blood-related or not.

Steve Sisolak, Chair of the Clark County Commission, has set up a GoFundMe page to raise money for the victims and their families. It had collected more than $3 million as of Tuesday morning. Officials in Las Vegas say there has been an overwhelming turnout for blood donations -- some donors waited in line for more than 6 hours -- and no more blood is needed right now. Those looking for information about loved ones still missing in the Las Vegas area can call 1-800-536-9488. If you live in the Las Vegas area, you can volunteer transportation and other help to victims through this Facebook page. Please help in any way you can, it's not just about the immediate support, but for the more trying, long-term ones. The victims need us and we need them. Please remember how amazingly special you are and that you are LOVED. Want to talk? Leave a comment or send me a private message through social media or email. I'm here for you.

*Go to Direct Relief to donate money or American Red Cross to donate food and/or clothing for the victims of Hurricane Harvey. They are also asking people to donate coloring books, puzzles, and other toys to the shelters for the kids.

LOVE & XX'S,

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Rosegal Striped Mock Neck Casual Knit Dress

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Elementary, My Dear Watson

September 25, 2017

WEARING: ROSEGAL DOUBLE BREASTED BELTED PLAID TRENCH COAT | 
FOREVER 21 RIBBED KNIT SWEATER | VAGABOND HONEY JAKARTA DENIM PANTS | 
OLIVER BILOU ROXY CLUTCH/CROSSBODY | GUCCI BELT | LIE COLLECTION SCARF | 
PERIDOT BOUTIQUE LOAFER SLIDES

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ROSEGAL & OLIVER BILOU.

After writing and publishing my first novel in 2015, many of you have recently been asking if and when I'll be writing my second one. Well... the answer is still a mystery! Why? A few reasons: To say my debut was on the New York Time's bestseller is definitely not the case. (No, this was not my expectation.) Not to mention I also have at least three other big projects I'm trying to do while simultaneously plotting a way to somehow cure a deep writer's block I've been having for the past year or so. While I have my blog to communicate my daily life with you, in terms of fashion, beauty, love & relationships, photography and more, my one true love has always been the written word and in doing so, telling stories. Favorite way? Definitely fiction. But with a new career path in the digital world, I find it more and more difficult to juggle everything that I do and have been asking myself a lot of questions lately in regards to my work and discipline, in that; can a person be successful in more than one field and when one is struggling in one area more than the other, how can it be managed and put back in order? Continue to read more on my reflections and thoughts on this part of my life, including where to shop my new favorite fall plaid trench from this post that I wore during NYFW!

Now going back to my novel... I never had any intention or high hopes for my book to be anything but legitimately published. Before I found my publisher, I had debated for quite some time whether or not to self-publish and I get asked this question rather frequently when talking amongst other writers. I say there are pro's and con's to both, as there are in everything. But as someone who wanted to establish herself as a writer, I really wanted to be traditionally published. And so I made that happen. And like everything else as well, you learn so much along the way. So long as you're paying attention. With that, I've also embarked on a new journey into the digital world, creating content on a daily basis through photos and text, I truly love what I do. However, finding the time to manage both have put on quite a lot of pressure for myself, balance has never exactly been my forte... I always like to bite off more than I can chew. So, what's a girl to do?

You do the best you can. I am also a photographer, freelancing here and there and everywhere. The hustle is endless, and I would love to reach a point in my life when I won't have to hustle as hard anymore... but does it ever really get easier? I sometimes think we get lost in our own thoughts and have a tendency to think too much about things. Sometimes it's important to just run with it and let what will happen, happen. Because how much can you really control anyway? And how many of you are where you thought you'd be when you were younger? I bet not that many. So the moral of the story is to try your best every day. That's my motto. If I can look at myself in the mirror at the end of each day knowing I gave it my all, in every aspect (which too, in turn, can be a daunting task, especially if one is trying to maintain a social life on top of everything else), then I'm okay with that. What you think about yourself is more important than what anyone else thinks about you.

Something I've also learned from the past year: actions really do speak louder than words and when you deliver, that's it. You're good. Don't get me wrong, guys. I LOVE sharing bits and pieces of my life with you, but there's also boundaries and limitations to that too. I am also very private and when it comes to my personal life, very few are aware of what's really going down. And I think when it comes to the work, let that speak for itself rather than running around telling people what you are going to be doing. I'm all about sharing and conversing with one another, but if it's all talk and nothing else, well... I rest my case. I guess at the end of the day, keep yourself involved in whatever it is that you're extremely passionate about, don't compare yourself to others, (easier said than done, I know.), try to be nice (hey, no one's perfect but try to be lol), and after a lot of hard work (we're talking blood, sweat, tears, and then some), the fruits of your labor will come into play. Don't talk, just do.

And while I started my second novel last summer followed by a nasty case of writer's block, I know the work will come. It took me nearly four years to write my first one while holding down two jobs, so it's a matter of the right timing, patience, and discipline. When it comes to writer's block, my best suggestion is to walk away from what you're trying to write and take a break or, like myself, write about other topics that are very distant from the one that you're focusing on. Or go off for a tiny shopping run, and score this ultra-chic double-breasted belted plaid trench coat from Rosegal like I did! I love to coffee and grey tones with the long silhouette - very Sherlock Holmes. All I need is Hyde Park and some tea with crumpets and I'll be all set! Perhaps I'll be in Europe in the near distant future? Don't forget to leave a comment down below and follow me on Instagram. Have a great week, friends!

LOVE & XX'S,

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How I Went from Criminal Justice to Fashion

September 6, 2017

WEARING: AVANZARA-B HOUSE OF KIMBERLY TEAL BLOUSE | GENUINE PEOPLE JEANS | 
THE KOOPLES JACKET | GUCCI BELT | 
BRAHMIN ANDESITE GABRIELLA MELBOURNE BAG | EGO METALLIC BOOTS

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY EGO.

Happy NYFW! Let the fashion commence! Who is as excited as I am to see all of the SS18 collections for the upcoming season?! Since today is our first day of New York Fashion Week, I wanted to share with you guys a little more about my journey. What led me to here? Well, the title of this post sure must have caught your eye. Yes, you read correctly. I once almost became a cop instead of any of pursuit for a career. Instead of Detective Spiegoski, I'm Fashionista Spiegoski! So, how did I start from where I began and ended up here where I am today? Continue reading to find out more why I took such a leap of faith and why I am so, so, so grateful for my crazy (but intuitive) decisions.

Once upon a time, I grew up in an environment that was rough, both in and outside the home. Because of my surroundings as well as life experiences, I initially chose a path in law enforcement, even receiving a B.A. in Criminal Justice from Michigan State University. I even traveled to distant lands to learn more about the cultural diversity as well as the different types of government and policing procedures. My '5-Year Plan' was to get my degree, move to NYC and join the New York City Police Department, and quickly climbing the ranks from Sargeant to Detective. Specifically? Homicide. But once I moved to the city of my dreams (I had wanted to live here basically my whole life), I didn't know a single soul. I came here with $300 bucks in my pocket, 3 full suitcases, with a place to share in Spanish Harlem. My first apartment in New York was literally a closet. Okay... walk-in closet: Enough to fit a full bed, dresser, mirror and a clothing rack. I didn't need much else.

Because I didn't know anyone yet, I became lonely rather fast. With that, I began writing again, something that's been in my life since I was very little (my father taught me how to read and write at the age of 4) and I always found solitude in the power of my voice and the freedom to express my thoughts and feelings through words. And while doing so, my gut switched a flip. I no longer had the desire I once had in the career I chose. I felt lost. Confused. Young. Undiscovered. I gave it a good hard look before changing my mind, but I'm tellin' ya, even to this day, I can't tell you how thankful I am that I took that jump and decided to explore my options a bit further. From this, I've given back, teaching figure skating and working with kids for nearly a decade, wrote and published a novel, have had my photographs published around the world, and learned so much about myself in the process.

I just surpassed my 2-year anniversary of my blog, MaQ + Suz. Since then, I've only attended 2 seasons of NYFW [this week being my 3rd season (!)] and am starting to receive invites to other fashion shows globally. Now, for those of you wondering... have I always been a die-hard fashionista? Not exactly... but it's always been with me, so to speak. When I was very young, I used to illustrate what campaigns I saw from the Korean fashion magazines my mother had. I'd flip through them, find inspiration and would recreate my own version, with even the prices of each piece of clothing! From there, I became more interested in the world of fashion while in college (where I started to read Vogue religiously) but that fizzled once I decided to do something else in my life. It's funny now looking back because even at the age of 6-7 I was already studying fashion when I was creating collages of them on my bedroom walls.

I believe within a person's life, one will change many times over. Hopefully for the better. As you grow older and discover more about yourself, you will find out what you want, what you don't want, and who you really are. Part of the evolution of the path to self-discovery. And here I am now, a writer and photographer working full-time in the creative field and I couldn't be happier with my choice. Is it hard work? You bet your ass it is and I'm completely dedicated to it. Here's to making life's grand decisions and to fashion & style. Shoutout to this vintage teal blouse that belonged to my mother, the label says 'Avanzara–b House of Kimberly' but I can't find the brand on the internet. It's from the 80's back in Cali... and to these favorite new rose gold metallic boots from Ego, I feel like Wonder Woman strutting around in these. Hope to see all you other fabulous selves strutting around town as well this week! Happy Happy Fashion Week! :)