Green Oasis in a Concrete Jungle

October 27, 2017

WEARING: s a k u NEW YORK FLOREAL EMBROIDERED SLIP DRESS |
UNIQLO HEAT TECH TURTLENECK | MAD-STYLE ROCK & ROLL CROSS BODY BAG | 
MAUMERO HANNAH ANKLE BOOTS | LAST CALL PEACOCK EARRINGS

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY s a k u New York.

The motif behind Korean designer, Lissa Koo's work is both the chic New York sense and the easy, breezy West Coast atmosphere. While being a unique, never-seen-before style, saku New York offers clothes that are ready-to-wear and easily approachable for anyone. Pursuing both sportiness and femininity simultaneously, saku New York showcases silhouette apparel that greatly emphasizes women’s beauty along with comfortable fabrics that allow easy movement. The last of the three features with s a k u New York from the past week, a garden feel in the concrete jungle, this floral embroidered dress on the blog today is just that: there's a lot going on with lots to attend to but I still feel beautiful and yes, feminine. (Shocker in my "style vocabulary" ha ha ha!) Continue reading to see how I deal with feeling and looking positively radiant even if what's going on around me is completely chaotic and never-ending (or so it seems...)

Like a garden, what doesn't grow will die. And like in a garden, there will be setbacks: stubborn plants/flowers that will require higher maintenance, furry rodents trying to steal and ruin your crop, and yes, even those dry spells and perhaps even worse, when it rains... it really pours time period(s). Time and effort are an automatic given, and just in self-care, no matter how crazy your life can get, it is so important to give that time and effort to yourself. Sure, I love to see my friends and colleagues but I love my alone time just as much. In fact, I need it. Otherwise, I'd probably lose my mind. I got to have that in order to sort things out in my head and trust me, there's a lot going on up there at the moment. And I've always believed in that if you really want to grow, you've got to figure it out on your own and really, and I mean, really know what you want. Don't be compromising of that.

You also have to keep your eye on the prize. But just like that garden, that will get messy and hard to upkeep from time to time, you have to be able to see the bigger picture. Because like everything else in life, and yep, even when it comes to taking care of yourself, it's never an easy ride. It's more like an upside down topsy-turvy rollercoaster if you ask me. But, no matter how awful or how hopeless the ride seems to get, remember you can get off that ride at any time. But if you're not a quitter like myself, just hold on to that "Holy, shit!" handle and brace yourself until the ride ends. Because it eventually will. I can whatever metaphor all day long, but you know after any storm comes the rainbow right? I know, but it's true. Hang in there, my friend!

Lastly, aside from 'me' time and seeing the bigger picture, don't forget to embrace your beauty amidst the chaos. Yes, you're probably tired, frustrated, stressed, maybe all three: but it's all about the energy you carry. Believe in the best of yourself and the other not-so-great reminders we have daily will slowly start to melt away. Every day I wake up and when I see myself in the mirror I try to reflect on the positive parts of myself rather than the negative. Instead of thinking, "My god, I look awful, I hate my nose, I wish it were smaller, instead start looking at the parts you, in fact, love about yourself. Maybe, "Wow, I never noticed how long and lush my eyelashes are," or, "That scar may be permanent, but it doesn't define who I am nor does it make me any less beautiful." In fact, I think these chaotic imperfect attributes are what makes some of the most beautiful people in the world. Think about it, you ever deeply love someone who was perfect? Yeah... my thoughts exactly.

LOVE & XX'S,

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s a k u New York Floral Embroidered Slip Dress

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Bluesy Metallic Friday

October 20, 2017

WEARING: s a k u NEW YORK METALLIC KNIT TOP | AMERICAN EAGLE WHITE JEANS | 
EGO TEGAN POINTED TOE | FOREVER 21 CREAM PATENT CLUTCH BAG | GALTISCOPIO JOLI CRYSTAL
 RING | H&M BLACK FEATHER POLKA DOT FEATHERED HOOP EARRING

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY s a k u New York.

Lately, I've been feeling like I am failing in so many 'sections' of my life, I can't keep track. It leads to discouragement and therefore I'm harder on myself than I usually am. But it's also the fuel to the fire to not give up and to keep working toward what I want. What makes these cross paths in life easier to navigate? And how do you know when something is right? And even more so, how do you know when it's wrong? Regarding work and personal relationships, I am currently having major conflicts with time and effort. Trying to find the balance is quite difficult, even straight down to missing my best friend's wedding. And to make days of feeling pretty lousy worse, it just seems like so many people I know are getting those promotions, getting married, having babies, etc; and as much as I am happy for them - it's sometimes hard not to reflect on my own self. Am I doing the right thing? Am I making good decisions? Are they worth it? Are you worth it? Maybe I should focus more on settling down and starting a family. But life takes you in so many directions and as my father always used to say, "If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your plans."

You know, I've changed careers three times before really figuring myself out. From the criminal justice world to the figure skating world, to now the fashion blogging world, each transition scared the bejesus out of me. I've always firmly believed you should do one thing that scares you each and every day. And this can mean completely different things for everybody but challenge yourself. Not happy with something? Make that change. Get it done. Stop dreaming and start doing. Take a leap of faith. And even though each time I took a different route on that crazy path to self-discovery, as much as every time I would, of course, think over my choices, there was still something deep down in my gut that knew I was reaching closer to something. Like the truth.

Now, how do you know when something isn't right? If it's broke and unfixable, and/or you are asking yourself if you've reached the end of whatever it may be, maybe a career choice/job or any kind of relationship, those are pretty obvious signs to me. Though, I think that if you've applied a lot of diligent effort to something or someone and the results are still same and you're still unhappy, that's the bottom line for me. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results, as Einstein used to say. But the bottom line is far away from where you draw the middle line. Because not everything is in black and white, right? The most complicated areas are always foggy and grey.

My instincts do say I'm on the right track. But I sometimes forget that it's not the destination that really matters, but the journey. Maybe that's why I feel like a failure lately. My impatience has a tendency to get the best of me. *Flaw alert* Whatever path you take in life will deeply be affected by your experiences and more especially, the choices you make from them. Because when it comes down to it, we ALL have a choice. In everything we do. So, I think that if you choose to stay in a certain mindset, either negative or positive, it really makes a difference in everyday living. Sure, I have those days too where the bully voice defeats me, I don't feel good enough for anyone or anybody, and I just want to be left alone. But I try very hard every day to wake up with a positive attitude, and I feel when I do, the rest of my day is rather positive too. How do you guys differentiate between what feels right and what feels wrong? Do you think that some people tend to gravitate towards one or the other for certain reasons? And how do you deal with those bluesy days like I've mentioned? Retail therapy? Writing? Gabbing on the phone with your girlfriend? Bad emotional eating habits? What helps you get you through it?

LOVE & XX'S,

SHOP THE LOOK

s a k u New York Metallic Knit Top Dark Blue

H&M Black Feather Polka Dot Hoop Earrings

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Houndstooth & Charles Bukowski

October 16, 2017

WEARING: VINTAGE MACKINTOSH OVERSIZED HOUNDSTOOTH JACKET |
FOREVER 21 OVERSIZED CUTOUT SHIRT | LEVI'S 711 ALTERED SKINNY JEANS |
EGO NASH BACKLESS ANKLE BOOTS | CHARLES BUKOWSKI WOMEN

I WAS SENTIMENTAL ABOUT MANY THINGS: A WOMAN'S SHOES UNDER THE BED; ONE HAIRPIN LEFT BEHIND ON THE DRESSER; THE WAY THEY SAID, "I'M GOING TO PEE. . ."; HAIR RIBBONS, WALKING DOWN THE BOULEVARD WITH THEM AT 1:30 IN THE AFTERNOON, JUST TWO PEOPLE WALKING TOGETHER; THE LONG NIGHTS OF DRINKING AND SMOKING, TALKING; THE ARGUMENTS; THINKING OF SUICIDE; EATING TOGETHER AND FEELING GOOD; THE JOKES; THE LAUGHTER OUT OF NOWHERE; FEELING MIRACLES IN THE AIR; BEING IN A PARKED CAR TOGETHER; COMPARING PAST LOVERS AT 3AM; BEING TOLD YOU SNORE, HEARING HER SNORE; MOTHERS, DAUGHTERS, SONS, CATS, DOGS; SOMETIMES DEATH AND SOMETIMES DIVORCE, BUT ALWAYS CARRYING ON, ALWAYS SEEING IT THROUGH; READING A NEWSPAPER ALONE IN A SANDWICH JOINT AND FEELING NAUSEA BECAUSE SHE'S NOW MARRIED TO A DENTIST WITH AN I.Q. OF 95; RACETRACKS, PARKS, PARK PICNICS; EVEN JAILS; HER DULL FRIENDS, YOUR DULL FRIENDS; YOUR DRINKING, HER DANCING; YOUR FLIRTING, HER FLIRTING; HER PILLS, YOUR FUCKING ON THE SIDE, AND HER DOING THE SAME; SLEEPING TOGETHER. . . .

One of the many passages from writer Charles Bukowski's novel, Women, I always found comfort in his writing. His style flairs in the rawest form of honesty, something that most writers today do not have. The older I become the more I realize how important it is to pull away from the idea of what perfection is supposed to be - straight to its core in every aspect. Bukowski wasn't exactly the nicest of people; a total misogynist, narcissist and straight up alcoholic. Many disliked him, but many like myself saw him as an influence not just in the realm of writing. So in today's post I'm sharing with you five things I've learned from one of my favorite American writers.

HONESTY

Writers have so many things they can’t write about: family, spouses, exes, children, jobs, bosses, colleagues, friends. That’s why they make stuff up. Fiction is their best friend. But Bukowski didn’t let himself get hampered by that so we see real brutal honesty, a real anthropological survey of being down and out for 60+ years without anything being held back. No other writer before or since has done that. For a particular example, see his novel, Women which detailed every sexual nuance of every woman who dared to sleep with him after he achieved some success. Most of these women were horrified after the book came out. It's actually one of my favorite books written by Bukowski and the beginning excerpt of this post is from Women. Sure he talks badly about most of the experiences he has had with women, but what I really love about it is the cold hard dose of reality that comes with any relationship: disappointment, pain, heartache... love... and the way he is so candor about some of the more intimate parts of life. Think about it, would you find it easy or rather difficult talking about your personal relationships through the written word?

DISCIPLINE

Imagine coming home from an awful day at work and arguing with a woman/man that was living with you, finishing off a six-pack of beer and then... writing. He did it every day. Most people want to write that novel, or finish that painting, or start that business, but have zero discipline to actually sit down and do it. I'm actually amazed he had any sort of discipline at all. With that kind of work ethic, it just goes to show that if you truly love what you're doing, it will supersede the rest. (Even through the potent powers of alcohol!) In order to be a writer, you must really love to write and you must write every single day. Easy to say, but so tough to do. I, myself, also write every day, but I'm not going to lie, there are some pretty bad days where I just want to throw my typewriter out the window. But you keep at it, because it's all you know, it's all you have and without the written word, you feel like you could die. That's how Bukowski felt too.

SHAMELESSNESS

Bukowski didn't give a rat's ass what people thought about him. And I praise him for that. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and am always second-guessing myself. I sometimes wish I could throw caution to the wind and really have that mentality of 'no f*cks given' at all times. But when feeling extra down, my insecurities tend to get the best of me. Learning the art of not caring what people think takes time and experience, I think. But I've always admired those who really didn't worry about the opinions of others - because it's not as easy as it looks. It can be cleverly hidden in so many different ways.

POETRY

Bukowski was quite the poet. And it's all non-fiction, which to me, is the best part. It's not the puzzle-kind of poetry where you have to intellectually decode it to understand it. His work was straight to the point. Poetry was something that let writers to master making each word in a sentence effective and powerful. It was this training that allowed them to destroy the competition when they sat down to write their longer pieces. That's how I also got started in writing. In fact, the first two pieces I ever had published were actually poems I wrote as a young teenager. It was only after these publications that I really started to consider becoming a writer.

PERSISTENCE

The man wrote his first novel at age 49. And it took him over 25 years to become a successful writer. Everyone (mostly everyone) nowadays wants instant gratification. Less and less are understanding what it takes to become one of the greats. I find that when most figure out how long or how much dedication/work will be required to reach whatever goal you may have, most tend to give up before even reaching that halfway mark. And Bukowski was far from perfect and yet still managed to become what he wanted to become. So if he could stay persistent despite all the misfortunes and misgivings life can bring, he still kept plugging away and never gave up. And to me, that's what makes the heart of any champion...

LOVE & XX'S,

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Stripes and Heavy Hearts

October 4, 2017

WEARING: ROSEGAL STRIPED MOCK NECK CASUAL KNIT DRESS | 
MICHAEL KORS MERCER LEATHER CROSSBODY | EGO TEGAN POINTED TOE ANKLE BOOTS | 
MAD-STYLE CALLY EARRINGS

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ROSEGAL.

Since waking up Monday morning to hear of yet another senseless tragedy in America, I am left with a heavy heart and can't stop crying these past few days. What is happening in our world right now? I can't stop thinking about everyone affected by this. Think about it. Over 500+ injured, 58 dead... triple that amount just to get a perspective on how many people have been touched by this awful incident. As much as I love my work, creating and publishing content without as much as a discussion, let alone a stupid fucking meme with hearts and prayers, is definitely hitting below the belt. I've never seen so many fashionista's Insta-stories and/or social media posts giving 'shoutouts' to the victims and families (or nothing at all, just completely unacknowledging them)... only to go on about their daily lives and not even mention any ways to help like donating blood, contacting your elected representatives to support mental health or stricter gun control policies, or other ways to donate, such as natural disaster relief funds to the victims of Hurricane Harvey. And why do I feel like the ones that preach the most about this shit are the ones that aren't really helping to begin with? I know that sounds pretty harsh, but it is sort of the reality of the situation. Now, I AM NOT saying that there isn't anyone out there, with the power and reach, to spread information like wildfire in a scenario like this, because there are, and kudos to you for taking the time to do so, but there's a lot of you that really don't care about anyone but yourself. And I can attest to this because I'm seeing it unfold right before my very eyes, unfortunately.

Whenever something tragic like this happens, I immediately think of my loved ones. Family first. Don't you? Now for those who don't know me that well, I don't have any family. They're all gone. Either physically or through tough life predicaments, I am left with no one but myself. I don't have a single soul to call and cry about my problems to or have a mommy or daddy to help me out when I'm financially in a pickle. I've been on my own for a long time now. So I tend to get pretty depressed sometimes and will shut down. Especially in a time like now where all I want is to talk to my parents and hug them and tell them how much I love and miss them. I need some form of solidarity when feeling alone and confused. There is no love like one from a parent. A good parent. The most important family is not the one you were born into, but the one you choose. I have a small circle of friends that I trust and hold very dear to, but very few have entered into this circle and have stayed there. Loyalty is hard to come by these days and I'm finding myself losing more and more hope with the world we're living in.

Sure you can be an advocate of some kind, whether it's donating your time, money or both to organizations that will help carry that through, but to me, the best and most important way to help right now is to constantly BE KIND and LOVING. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. So be good to each other. Hug your loved ones extra tight and never forget to be grateful for your life and others. And be forgiving. I've talked about this in the past, because it really hits close to home. It's not about forgiving and forgetting what's hurt you, but more about letting go and being able to move forward. Self-love is something I too have struggled with my whole life, and I'm slowly but surely starting to see my worth and will no longer waste my time on those who don't see this. If they don't look at you like you're magic, walk away... or rather, RUN away. Doesn't matter if they're blood-related or not.

Steve Sisolak, Chair of the Clark County Commission, has set up a GoFundMe page to raise money for the victims and their families. It had collected more than $3 million as of Tuesday morning. Officials in Las Vegas say there has been an overwhelming turnout for blood donations -- some donors waited in line for more than 6 hours -- and no more blood is needed right now. Those looking for information about loved ones still missing in the Las Vegas area can call 1-800-536-9488. If you live in the Las Vegas area, you can volunteer transportation and other help to victims through this Facebook page. Please help in any way you can, it's not just about the immediate support, but for the more trying, long-term ones. The victims need us and we need them. Please remember how amazingly special you are and that you are LOVED. Want to talk? Leave a comment or send me a private message through social media or email. I'm here for you.

*Go to Direct Relief to donate money or American Red Cross to donate food and/or clothing for the victims of Hurricane Harvey. They are also asking people to donate coloring books, puzzles, and other toys to the shelters for the kids.

LOVE & XX'S,

SHOP THE LOOK

Rosegal Striped Mock Neck Casual Knit Dress

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Elementary, My Dear Watson

September 25, 2017

WEARING: ROSEGAL DOUBLE BREASTED BELTED PLAID TRENCH COAT | 
FOREVER 21 RIBBED KNIT SWEATER | VAGABOND HONEY JAKARTA DENIM PANTS | 
OLIVER BILOU ROXY CLUTCH/CROSSBODY | GUCCI BELT | LIE COLLECTION SCARF | 
PERIDOT BOUTIQUE LOAFER SLIDES

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ROSEGAL & OLIVER BILOU.

After writing and publishing my first novel in 2015, many of you have recently been asking if and when I'll be writing my second one. Well... the answer is still a mystery! Why? A few reasons: To say my debut was on the New York Time's bestseller is definitely not the case. (No, this was not my expectation.) Not to mention I also have at least three other big projects I'm trying to do while simultaneously plotting a way to somehow cure a deep writer's block I've been having for the past year or so. While I have my blog to communicate my daily life with you, in terms of fashion, beauty, love & relationships, photography and more, my one true love has always been the written word and in doing so, telling stories. Favorite way? Definitely fiction. But with a new career path in the digital world, I find it more and more difficult to juggle everything that I do and have been asking myself a lot of questions lately in regards to my work and discipline, in that; can a person be successful in more than one field and when one is struggling in one area more than the other, how can it be managed and put back in order? Continue to read more on my reflections and thoughts on this part of my life, including where to shop my new favorite fall plaid trench from this post that I wore during NYFW!

Now going back to my novel... I never had any intention or high hopes for my book to be anything but legitimately published. Before I found my publisher, I had debated for quite some time whether or not to self-publish and I get asked this question rather frequently when talking amongst other writers. I say there are pro's and con's to both, as there are in everything. But as someone who wanted to establish herself as a writer, I really wanted to be traditionally published. And so I made that happen. And like everything else as well, you learn so much along the way. So long as you're paying attention. With that, I've also embarked on a new journey into the digital world, creating content on a daily basis through photos and text, I truly love what I do. However, finding the time to manage both have put on quite a lot of pressure for myself, balance has never exactly been my forte... I always like to bite off more than I can chew. So, what's a girl to do?

You do the best you can. I am also a photographer, freelancing here and there and everywhere. The hustle is endless, and I would love to reach a point in my life when I won't have to hustle as hard anymore... but does it ever really get easier? I sometimes think we get lost in our own thoughts and have a tendency to think too much about things. Sometimes it's important to just run with it and let what will happen, happen. Because how much can you really control anyway? And how many of you are where you thought you'd be when you were younger? I bet not that many. So the moral of the story is to try your best every day. That's my motto. If I can look at myself in the mirror at the end of each day knowing I gave it my all, in every aspect (which too, in turn, can be a daunting task, especially if one is trying to maintain a social life on top of everything else), then I'm okay with that. What you think about yourself is more important than what anyone else thinks about you.

Something I've also learned from the past year: actions really do speak louder than words and when you deliver, that's it. You're good. Don't get me wrong, guys. I LOVE sharing bits and pieces of my life with you, but there's also boundaries and limitations to that too. I am also very private and when it comes to my personal life, very few are aware of what's really going down. And I think when it comes to the work, let that speak for itself rather than running around telling people what you are going to be doing. I'm all about sharing and conversing with one another, but if it's all talk and nothing else, well... I rest my case. I guess at the end of the day, keep yourself involved in whatever it is that you're extremely passionate about, don't compare yourself to others, (easier said than done, I know.), try to be nice (hey, no one's perfect but try to be lol), and after a lot of hard work (we're talking blood, sweat, tears, and then some), the fruits of your labor will come into play. Don't talk, just do.

And while I started my second novel last summer followed by a nasty case of writer's block, I know the work will come. It took me nearly four years to write my first one while holding down two jobs, so it's a matter of the right timing, patience, and discipline. When it comes to writer's block, my best suggestion is to walk away from what you're trying to write and take a break or, like myself, write about other topics that are very distant from the one that you're focusing on. Or go off for a tiny shopping run, and score this ultra-chic double-breasted belted plaid trench coat from Rosegal like I did! I love to coffee and grey tones with the long silhouette - very Sherlock Holmes. All I need is Hyde Park and some tea with crumpets and I'll be all set! Perhaps I'll be in Europe in the near distant future? Don't forget to leave a comment down below and follow me on Instagram. Have a great week, friends!